Reclaiming "should"

Should is one of my least favorite words…For me it carries the implication of a voice—perhaps within myself, perhaps from others—suggesting I am somehow not doing the right thing. I’m not alone in this, and I was reminded of that by a recent conversation.

I was enjoying lunch with a friend recently who talked about feeling conflicted about the opportunity to grow his business. He sees opportunities for growth and ways to scale up the impact that his organization is making in its important work and he has a vision for how that might happen. I asked what was holding him back. He described a voice telling him that he “should” be doing administrative tasks despite the fact that he doesn’t enjoy them, that someone else could do so, and that they don’t really move him or the organization forward.

As we engaged in a conversation about what that word means to him, we landed on a reframing: What if he “should” do anything that moves him toward his vision in a manner consistent with who he is? And what if he “shouldn’t” do anything that either moves away from that goal, is inconsistent with him behaving as his best self, or that someone else might enjoy doing more (and perhaps better!)?

If what you “should” be doing is anything that moves you toward your vision in a manner consistent with your best self…what would you do differently?

Think of your 2-3 least favorite words. Is there a way to redefine them ways that are helpful to you?